Cyber Bullying: No longer just for angry teenagers.

I am sad to report that there is no longer such a thing as respect on the internet.

Cyber-bullying is something I ran across quite frequently on the MCRmy message boards. It disgusted me but it was to be expected when the majority of posters were under the age of 17. I just chalked it up to a mixture of teenage angst and a lack of social finesse and moved on to other threads.

Now, I am not so sure that was necessarily the case.

As I mentioned in my last post, my cousin's girlfriend Sam (an excellent friend whom I affectionately call Sammich) has me hooked on several lesbian blogs. Whilst meandering through a blog that I have been enjoying the last couple days I ran into an entry that completely blew my mind. Well, it wasn't so much the entry as it was the comments that threw me for a loop.

This is the link, just in case you want to read what I am talking about.

This woman did nothing but blog her opinion. Readers who disagreed did not calmly argue their point with respect to the writer; they attacked. It was that particular writer's first blog post and they tore her to pieces. They called her uneducated. They used terms such as 'heteronormative' to insult her. I hate what has happened to that word. It's like the term 'Emo' or 'gay'... words that at one point had completely harmless definitions until angry people with hate to spare turned them into something negative.

I am getting off subject.

My point is that those who attacked that blogger weren't frustrated 14 year old fangirls (at least I don't think they were, they were certainly acting like it...), they were women that should know that attacking someones opinion just because it differs from their own is not the way to get their point across.

It's not rocket science. I admit it; I am young. Half of the insults they were slinging I had to google. However, even I know that if I am reading someones blog entry and I don't agree with what they are saying, it is just plain disrespectful to attack them on their own blog! Either calmly engage them in a debate or move on!

In the wise words of Thumper Rabbit; "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Slow down, so I can breathe.

I feel like I am out of step with the world. The only way I can begin to describe the feeling is that it is like when you step off those moving sidewalks they have in airports, and for a moment you are going faster than you should be.

Only instead of this feeling lasting a few seconds, it's been going on for a month.

I was on the fast track, barreling head-first into my future. Now I am stuck in that moment of trying to slow down without stumbling.

Sam has me reading lesbian blogs, but because she is in such a serious relationship with my cousin they are all blogs about domestic partners dealing with life. It's therapeutic and yet at the same time it makes me feel young and foolish for thinking that my life with Tiffany was anything close to a real relationship. When I think back on the last year, it's is as if I lived a double life. I have memories of being in a relationship but I don't feel it in my heart. It feels as if I was single the entire time.

I hope that one day I will find someone who will look at me the way those couples look at each other. To be in a real relationship and not something that just resembles one.

Everyone keeps telling me that it will happen, but how do they know? It seems impossible. Every time I meet a nice girl, it's like their give a shit meter breaks as soon as I appear.

Wow, this post is way more depressing then I was aiming for.

"I'm not in love; this is not my heart.."

The love of my life is going to California this weekend to pick up the love of her life so that he can live in our house. Cuddle on our couch. Sleep in our bed. She didn't leave me because she is straight; I'm gullible but not completely stupid. She left me for him.

I have been trying so hard to move on as fast as I can because this is the same old storyline that it always has been; just with new characters and the fact that she was the only one I actually trusted when she said that there was no one out there better for her than me.

How is it that there is ALWAYS someone better? How is that even possible, statistically speaking. It's never because they just aren't happy or simply falling out of love. It's always someone else, they always fall in love with someone that isn't me; and then they realize that they never even were in love with me in the first place.