Slow down, so I can breathe.

I feel like I am out of step with the world. The only way I can begin to describe the feeling is that it is like when you step off those moving sidewalks they have in airports, and for a moment you are going faster than you should be.

Only instead of this feeling lasting a few seconds, it's been going on for a month.

I was on the fast track, barreling head-first into my future. Now I am stuck in that moment of trying to slow down without stumbling.

Sam has me reading lesbian blogs, but because she is in such a serious relationship with my cousin they are all blogs about domestic partners dealing with life. It's therapeutic and yet at the same time it makes me feel young and foolish for thinking that my life with Tiffany was anything close to a real relationship. When I think back on the last year, it's is as if I lived a double life. I have memories of being in a relationship but I don't feel it in my heart. It feels as if I was single the entire time.

I hope that one day I will find someone who will look at me the way those couples look at each other. To be in a real relationship and not something that just resembles one.

Everyone keeps telling me that it will happen, but how do they know? It seems impossible. Every time I meet a nice girl, it's like their give a shit meter breaks as soon as I appear.

Wow, this post is way more depressing then I was aiming for.